There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
