i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
