I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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