I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
