I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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