I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
