what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
