She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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