Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
