He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
