After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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