you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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