paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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