I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
