I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
