My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
