You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
