After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
