I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
