The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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