So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
