She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
