Your tits are I can't wait for
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
