I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
