An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
