Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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