he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
