Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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