Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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