I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
