my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
