he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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