STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
