you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
