Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
