Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
