Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
