i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
