My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
