When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
