So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
