woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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