I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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