i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
