my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
