So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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