Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
NoShamevember. You game?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
