he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
