he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
