My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
